As I type, I’m 7 days overdue with an induction booked in for 3 days time.

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty disappointed – How can my cervix be ‘closed tight’ for business? It’s got one job! (Well probably a few, but only one I care about right now and that’s simply to open – come on cervix, surely it’s not that hard).

I was sure I was going to have the baby early, but it was mostly just wishful thinking – I’m a dang impatient person. So obviously I have been google doctor-ing over the last week and trying out various different ‘natural’ methods to bring on labour and I thought I would share them with you, ya know so you can immediately disregard the entire article because I AM STILL PREGNANT. Sorry, I’m hormonal right now.

sex

Tick. Tried and tested this bad boy which a million women swear by. Tried it twice in fact and you know what, having sex at 40-41 weeks pregnant isn’t pleasant, there’s nothing nice about it and I would rather drown myself in castor oil than have to do it again in the next week. Sorry Mum.

WHY SEX IS SUPPOSED TO WORK:

Semen is supposed to soften your cervix, and also release the hormone oxytocin which co-incidently is the one they’re going to put in a drip in my arm next week.

hot, spicy, hurt my insides food

I don’t like spicy food. My boyfriend had a field day when we recently ate a Vindaloo, followed the next night by a Tikka, followed the next night by a Chilli Con Carne. Still pregnant. My insides hate me.

why hot food is supposed to work:

Supposedly it can stimulate your stomach, i.e give you the shits really, and get your uterus going.

long walks

Walking – who thought that going for long walks when you’re huge, tired and overdue was a good idea? I’m beginning to see a running theme here, and I don’t think women invented these ideas..

We went for 2 rather large walks in the last week. To be fair the first one I enjoyed along the beach, because I got out of the house, but all they did was leave me utterly exhausted and you guessed it – still pregnant.

why long walks are supposed to work:

Being upright convinces the baby to move down, and the press of the head hitting the cervix from the inside could stimulate oxytocin.

pineapple

This one was a bit of a fail – After curry one night I ate half a tin of canned pineapple after hearing a whisper that it would encourage labour – when I researched it a little further it turns out it’s a maaaajor long shot and you’d need to eat around 7 fresh pineapples to even get your guts churning.

why pineapple is supposed to work:

It contains an enzyme bromelain which similar to the curry theory is supposed to stimulate your stomach into eventual contractions.

raspberry leaf

You may have read the article I did on Materni-tea which contains Raspberry Leaf. While not recommended for first trimester, in the third it can apparently help ‘tone the uterus’ and also stimulate it. It does not. I’m sick of drinking tea now.

why raspberry leaf is supposed to work:

Stimulating that dang uterus again.

evening primrose oil

Yes – my list is still going. This one however I am inconclusive on. I was taking EPO as a tablet before getting pregnant to help with my period pain and it was working. I then stumbled across a forum a few nights ago in a dark ‘get this baby OUT’ internet search and read many, many testimonials from women who SWEAR that having EPO in both tablet form and internally not only decreased the time they were in labour, but all of them had no tearing.

Cue to me running to the kitchen, and then uh .. inserting some pricked tablets. Pregnancy is glamourous.

Clearly, it didn’t induce my labour, but I do think that next time (seriously, I can’t even believe I just suggested I would do this again either) I will start taking it from around 36 weeks.

why evening primrose oil is supposed to work:

It is believed to help soften and ripen to cervix in preparation for labour, so while a single dose like mine might not stimulate labour immediately, loads of women swear by having an on time and easier childbirth because of regular use.

other suggestions i didn’t try.

One major one I didn’t try was castor oil – I REALLY want/ed to, but midwives don’t suggest using it and even in this sad, hormonal, desperate state I don’t want to risk any complications and/or causing myself anymore undue pain. Castor Oil is supposed to stimulate your stomach as a powerful laxative, will definitely give you vomiting and diarrhoea, but apparently will eventually lead to labour. Given that giving birth is no tickle, having that level of discomfort prior doesn’t really appeal to me, and since it is medically advised not to use this one, I would leave it alone.

Acupuncture is also recommended, but isn’t a quick fix – you’d generally need around 2-3 sessions to help stimulate your body into labour which can be expensive and timely, so didn’t appeal to me at all.

in conclusion

Maybe my mum was right and the baby ‘will just come when it’s ready’. And failing that, it’ll come next week when I’m booked into hospital to have actual medication proven to induce labour and get Bean into the outside world! Stubborn little thing.