Guest blog from the ever funny, every beautiful Georgie Daniels from @junebugsmumma

My husband and I recently enjoyed an interstate honeymoon in Noosa, Queensland. Leaving our two busy, young girls at home with their grandparents, we were amazed at how simple travel can be when you take kids out of the equation.

With this is mind, I present you with my five simple tips, for parents who are travelling WITHOUT children.

 

PACKING.

Finding the perfect travel bag/case is essential, and the best part is: you ARE NOT limited to taking the largest case you own, in order to fit in a sufficient amount of kid-crap. In fact, you’ll be amazed at how much you can fit in your bag when it’s not already jam-packed with sixteen pairs of spare knickers, two different outfits for every day (because someone is bound to fall in the mud or pee their pants), nineteen bibs, extra nappies and wipes, a pencil case, an assortment of toys and activities to keep the little tikes amused, the formula/bottles/breast pump/lunchboxes/snacks, nappy rash cream, kids sleeping bags, favourite blankies, and the pet rock.

You’ll probably find that even after packing an extra pair of bikinis and that book you started four years ago, you’ll STILL have spare room in your bag..

Which you will probably fill with souvenirs for the kids.

 

KEEPING AMUSED IN AIRPORTS.

Your flight may be delayed, or you may have to spend an hour or two in the airport waiting for your connecting flight; but before you reach into your bag for the sticker books and crayons, REMEMBER: You’re CHILD FREE – that’s all the amusement you need!

Airports are usually equip with coffee shops and bookshops (and the bigger ones: wine bars. Need I say more?!), and being child-free, means you can peruse through at your own leisure. You can sit and drink coffee and/or wine to your little heart’s content; before hitting up the shops to stock up on.. souvenirs for the kids.

 

KEEPING AMUSED ON PLANES.

Planes are [ironically] fantastic for enjoying some ‘down time.’ You can’t be contacted once you board a plane – which means no answering (or not answering) phone calls, no replying to text messages, no social media alerts catching your attention every few minutes. When you’re in the sky – you can complete all of those thoughts that have been patiently waiting in line right after “MUUUUUUUUUM, WHATS FOR TEA?!”.

Also, there are amazing, magical beings aboard planes: Air Stewards. These angels bring tea, coffee, complimentary snacks, pillows, head phones and little bottles of wine. What else. Could you EVER. Possibly. Need?!

DEALING WITH KIDS [WHO DON’T BELONG TO YOU] ON THE PLANE.

When the toddler a few rows behind you, craps his dacks two minutes after takeoff, and the entire plane is gagging on the smell wafting up the aisle – praise Da Lord (any Lord) that it’s not your child. And when the mum or dad does the walk of shame to change the Explosive Carry-on’s nappy – don’t be a dick – smile empathetically. Because you can’t always predict when a toddler will need the toilet, and because we all remember the time your own kid peed all over the floor in Bunnings.

When the child seated in front of you is running riot, yelling, kicking, whining, and being an all round little douche; don’t take the easy option and blame the parents. We all know that kids can be arseholes from time to time; even more so when they’re tired, excited, out of routine, and cooped up in a confined space. You’re probably seeing the child at their worst. Chances are – the parents are just as horrified as you, and want nothing more than for their child to sit quietly and behave – for everyone’s comfort. So instead of shooting them a death glare at the baggage carousel – offer them a word of encouragement, reassure them that they’re not alone, and/or slip them your little bottle of aeroplane wine.

 

ARRIVING AT YOUR DESTINATION.

Forget about making room in the mini bar fridge for yogurt pouches, six punnets of blueberries, and those tubs of frozen ‘hidden veg’ smoothie that you brought in the hope of being able to trick the kids into consuming a vegetable – BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T BRING THEM!!! The only rearranging you’ll be doing of the minibar, will be as you sit in the beautiful, peaceful, silence, and neck an overpriced cold one.

There will be no setting up portacots, no unloading highchairs and pushers, no searching through the fifteen bags your brought, for the teddy that your child can not possibly sleep without.

Just peace and quiet – while you sit with your feet up (and scroll through the 1500 photos of your kids on your phone, and wonder whether it’s too late to call them).

 

As all parents know, it’s nice [heavenly] to have a break from the responsibilities of parenting; but only because we know we have the beautiful, crazy chaos to return to.

And in our case, I’m not sure what was sweeter – the relaxing honeymoon, or the reunion with our gorgeous girls.