I just don’t think I realised

I just don’t think I realised how much my life would change when I had kids.

Yes, I obviously knew it would change, infinitely, for the better, life would never be the same. But I just don’t think I really realised what that meant, ya know?

I just don’t think I realised that although I had chosen the perfect life partner to become parents with, his life would never change like mine. Sure, his heart was full of love like mine, but he still went to work. He still has a ‘shed’ day on the weekend. He still fully operates a business on the side of his full time job, and with ease.

I just don’t think I realised how much having a baby would completely end my career, when I was just really getting started. I applied for a job washing dishes last week after hours and I haven’t heard back. Do they not know  that I helped manage a travel agency and made it to their global ball as a top seller worldwide in my first year? That I single handedly worked with a company and started a magazine – selling the ads, writing the articles, taking the photos? Am I overqualified to wash gravy off a plate? Am I under qualified?

I just don’t think I realised how much I would wear matching grey trackies, because putting jeans on to sit at home and fold washing seems pointless and in all honesty is just plain uncomfortable.

I just don’t think I realised how much time I would spend worrying if my babies were smart enough, fed enough, had slept enough – without worrying about the same for myself.

I just don’t think I realised how boring it is playing toddler games day in/day out and not being able to fully vent those feelings in fear of ‘but you’re so lucky to have them, others are not so lucky, children are gifts’ etc etc.

I also just don’t think I realised how much I could love two little people. How I can’t imagine life without them. How I can’t even remember life without them. How I would applaud poo’s, spend hours cuddling, make 45 meals a day (for 4 to be eaten) and to run baths at lunchtime to stop crying.

Yes, they’re amazing, and gifted and hilarious and I adore the shit out of them.

But, I just don’t think I realised how much I would sit on my bench top to avoid them clinging to my legs all the time.

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