Yep – you read it right. My husband ghosted me. No, we are not fighting/divorced/at loggerheads. In fact, 5 minutes before he ghosted me he was in the kitchen whispering sweet nothings in my ear as I laughed and pushed him away to mind the kids in the bath.

Last Saturday night my husband was going out for drinks with the guys from work. Some of the wives ended up being invited so he asked me to come too, but we couldn’t find anyone for the kids and I had an early start for work in the morning so I was more than happy to stay home. He hasn’t been out for drinks in a long time – in fact, last November on his Stag Do would have been the last time! We’re both socially excitable people (I’m pretty sure that’s just the trait of a parent these days), and as he was getting ready I asked him if he wanted to dinner, and if he was getting an Uber, both ‘yes’ responses from the bathroom.

So here I am, cooking away, listening to the kids play in the bath where he is watching them and I shout to him to get Hunter out and dressed. I can hear him shout something back to me but it wasn’t clear and the next second the front door closes.
I think he must be putting the bins out, so I think nothing of it and keep cooking. A few minutes pass and he isn’t back and the kids start getting themselves out, running and slipping around the cold house completely naked.
I’m getting frustrated because dinner is cooking and going to start burning (meatballs for those wondering) and I start to call for Chris and race around the house collecting kids and peeking out windows for him. By this time, a solid 5 minutes has passed and I locate my phone to call him, completely annoyed and wondering where the heck he is (“if he is in that dahm shed again while I’m cooking his dahm dinner!).

Me: “Where are you?

Him “In the Uber – on the way to drinks?”

Me: ” .. you actually better be f$&*ing joking me rn. Is this punked? Are you joking?”

Him “No, you asked me i I was getting an Uber so I ordered it! I said goodbye!”

Me – literally unable to form words from shock and anger “WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU JOKING ME YES OR NO, YOUR DINNER IS ON THE DAHM STOVE TOP *moves closer to the pan* CAN YOU HEAR YOUR DINNER THAT YOU ASKED ME TO COOK, YOUR CHILDREN ARE RUNNING AROUND NAKED, NAKED I TELL YOU! YOU BETTER BE ACTUALLY JOKING ME”

Him “… *feebly* but I said goodbye?”

You see folks, my husband got so socially excited with the prospect of going out for drinks kid free and wife free that he dahm GHOSTED ME. So here I am, in my sexy dressing gown, racing around the house grabbing the kids and muttering obscenities under my breath as he’s pulling up to a brewery with absolutely no chance of coming home early now, because he does not want to feel my wrath.

I mean, in hindsight, its hella funny and every time I go out, I get rotten drunk and harass him when I get home, so it was definitely my time – but still. Ghosted. By my own husband.

What’s your best socially excitable moment as a parent?